


You're Not Crazy, Annie

by JustAnOrdinaryGirl



Category: Hunger Games (2012), Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Multi, Mystery, Romance, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-26
Updated: 2013-12-10
Packaged: 2018-01-02 16:16:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnOrdinaryGirl/pseuds/JustAnOrdinaryGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Preface & Realizations

**Finnick**

 

It was confusing, disorienting, and frightening. Before, there had always been a way to escape, but not this time. Not if the others had any chance of surviving. I knew this was it, but I wasn't ready for the pain. After all I had witnessed, I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

I was wrong.

I hadn't anticipated the burning agony flowing through my veins. I couldn't feel anything besides the pain. I remember floating, everything being stripped away from me with agonizing lashes against my skin. Everything, but her.

_Annie._

That was my last thought before the pain took over.

 

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

 

Everything hurt. The pain was there; I wasn't sure if it would ever go away, but it seemed like a glass wall had been put between it and my mind, which was fine with me. The pain seemed distant, as if coming from far away, so I decided to stay away from the wall in my mind. I didn't want the glass to break. I didn't want to feel the torture again.

As I floated toward the surface of consciousness, pieces of memories came back to me, like images moving behind my closed eyes.

Peeta pressing his handcuffs into his chafing wrists.

Gale pushing Katniss up the ladder.

The lizard muttations, and their cold, menacing stares.

I shivered internally. I was dead. Really, truly dead. Now I didn't want to open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. I tried to use my senses and get a feel of where I could possibly be, but I couldn't feel a thing. Something was missing. Something important.

I'd rather be in the capitol with the ladies and their secrets than open my eyes. If I opened my eyes, this would be real. And I was afraid that the big gaping hole inside me would rip me apart for good. I didn't know why it was there, but I had a feeling that whatever I saw when I opened my eyes would fill me in.

I told myself to be a man, and that Finnick Odair would never be such a wimp. Crap.

I opened my eyes slowly, squinting at the bright light, ready to shut them again if I had to. I blinked twice, my eyes adjusting to the change. Then, my eyebrows pressed together in confusion. All I saw around me was white and light. It wasn't exactly peaceful, but I wasn't frightened.

I was lying down, so I tried to stand even though I still couldn't feel the floor, or anything else for that matter. I closed my eyes again, but not because I was scared. I imagined I was underwater, where I was always safe and confident. I remembered the way I used to swim deep in the ocean, and how I would use the pressure of the water to push myself into a standing position. I would gaze up at the surface of the water as the early morning sunlight playfully danced on its tips. Opening my eyes, I sadly shook away the blissful memory but found that I could stand up in this way.

Further away, I saw a flickering movement. I couldn't tell how far it was because, like in the ocean, it was impossible to judge distance in the vast pool of white.

The instant my eyes made contact with the movement, I felt myself get dragged forward by an invisible wind. The pain I had buried intensified, threatening to break the glass wall in my mind. The infinite whiteness changed to blinding and confusing colors, with dizzying motions all around me. My hands flew to the sides of my head and I heard myself yelling, the pain more acute with each dizzying moment.

As quickly as it had started, everything came to a sudden stop. I took deep breaths, trying to slow my racing heart, but what I saw next took my breath away.

I was in a large and familiar building, the smell of stale and not-so-fresh food in the air. How could I even smell anything? I dismissed the thought and continued to look around. The tables were full of people in boring and uniform clothing, chatting quietly under murmured breaths. I looked to my right, seeing a young man glance at his wrist, peering at something written in ink. I could make out something that resembled a schedule. Memories of District Thirteen surfaced in my mind as I realized where I was.

Everyone was looking down at their small portions of food or talking to their neighbor. My face was open in dumbfounded shock, but nobody seemed to notice me. Everyone but one person, who was staring straight at me.

The gaping hole in my chest was filled with bittersweet shock as my last thought came back to me and _clicked_ , giving a name to the image before me, the missing piece of myself that I could never truly forget.

_Annie._


	2. Persuasions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Finnick**

 

Her sea green eyes poured into mine, and in that moment all I wanted was to hold her in my arms.

"Annie," I whispered, not trusting my voice to speak without breaking. I knew she heard me. I blinked as a tear escaped my eye. "Annie, I've missed you," I said a little louder. Her eyes widened and turned glossy, but she bit her lip and looked down. Her lips moved fast and quietly as she murmured to herself, her eyes shut and her body rocking slightly back and forth.

"Annie, are you alright?" The voice was not mine this time, and a young man I recognized from Thirteen put his hand on her shoulder. He soothed her, murmuring nonsensical things to her until she opened her eyes and looked at him.

I wanted to slap him in the face.

Okay, maybe that was irrational thinking, but I needed to be the one to comfort her, not some kid she didn't even know!

"I'll be fine. Thanks, Julian."

And that was all it took to make me forget whatever was going through my head. Annie's soft and melodic voice trembled slightly. Julian raised his eyebrows at her.

"I just miss Fin, that's all." she sighed, looking anywhere but in my direction. Her voice somehow sounded delicate and fiercely affectionate at the same time.

"Annie, please. It's me." I said quickly. "Please come here. Please talk to me." My voice broke on the last word, and I realized I had removed the space between us. The only thing holding me back from my girl was the hard, metal table.

"It's not real, Annie. He'll be back soon," came Julian's gentle voice as Annie's eyes widened at my words.

That's when I realized what was happening. Annie thought I was one of her hallucinations. I looked more closely and saw the fear and disbelief that tinged her eyes. I was hurting her.

Slowly, I got down on my knees. I knew I should leave her, but I had to say goodbye somehow. I needed her to really see me, if only for a moment.

"I'm sorry, honey," I said softly. "Don't be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you." I resisted the impulse to put my hand on her leg. I had to take a deep breath before I spoke. "Please take a big leap of faith and meet me in our room," I started again, "Just for a minute." I stood up and took a few steps toward the exit. "I won't try any of those complicated moves this time," I laughed, trying to keep the sadness out of my smile.

Annie's cheeks betrayed her as they burned red at my comment.

"That's my girl," I said softly, and walked out of the room, praying she would follow.

Like in a dream, I couldn't remember the specifics, but I suddenly found myself standing next to the bed in the room I share with Annie. Well, the room I _shared_ , I corrected myself. It should have been impossible, but I heard Annie's voice echoing in my mind.

"I just need to rest for a little," I heard her say. "The baby makes me so tired, sometimes." She let out a small nervous laugh, but my stomach dropped.

The baby!

How could I leave her alone with a baby? She was pregnant; I'd forgotten she was pregnant. Memories painfully flooded in my mind of another girl, another time where pregnancy was used as an excuse. I'd blamed Katniss's emotions during the Quell on her baby. It seemed ironic now that fate had twisted the situation around. Annie's baby was no fake story for the masses to feed on. It was her child-our child. And it would never have a father.

Footsteps echoed softly down the hallway, the door opened, and Annie stepped inside the room. She closed the door and stood with her back to me, taking deep breaths. We stayed like that for about a minute. Then, slowly, she turned around to face me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! More to come soon...let me know what you think!


	3. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Finnick**

"You're not real," she said firmly, but it sounded more like a question.

"You sound like Peeta."

"You're supposed to be with Peeta."

"Well, um...Yeah," I couldn't say it.

"You could at least do a better job of convincing me you're not one of my crazy hallucinations." Annie sat down on the bed, a resigned look in her eyes. "Normally, you're a lot more convincing," she continued. "I must have used up all the good stuff."

I walked over to the bed. I didn't try to sit next to her, not knowing if I'd actually be able to. I didn't think I wanted to know the answer.

"Do you see me a lot, Annie?" I asked.

"You mean when you're not actually here? Well, you should know the answer to that, shouldn't you? If you're the fake Finnick, shouldn't you remember if you've been here or not? Or is my mind just trying to confuse me?" Annie didn't stop rambling until I interrupted her.

"I'm right here, honey. It's going to be okay." The words I'd repeated to her countless times when she was lost to the world came out of my mouth before I could stop them. I realized too late how ironic this was, and my stomach twisted sickeningly as I heard the broken promise in my words. She wouldn't be okay when I couldn't be there to help her.

My conscience reminded me once again that it was my fault she'd been through so much. Time after time, my actions led to consequences that hurt Annie. Even from the beginning, it was true; it had been my arrogance that had gotten Annie picked for the reaping.

I expected her to leave, or at least to yell at me for ruining her life, but Annie's eyes only widened slightly at my response.

"No, I haven't seen you before," she finally said. "But I always hear you say those words when things get confusing. Well, I hear the _real_ you say those words."

"I know, honey." I said. I didn't try to explain. I understood that this must be my dying wish in effect. A true miracle. This was my chance to give Annie my last goodbye. I wouldn't waste it by making her sad.

"Finn, I miss you so much." Annie's voice broke with sadness.

"I'll always miss you, Annie," I told her softly.

"You should go," she told me. " _Real_ you wouldn't like this."

I had to make her smile. I needed to make her happy just one more time.

"Why?" I asked, a smirk on my face. "Do you find this," I ripped off the clothes I was wearing, leaving myself in only my underwear, "Distracting?"

Whatever she was feeling, Annie burst into laughter, her cheeks reddening with the sudden movement. That's when I saw my girl's true self reflect on her face. I'd forgotten how wonderful her laugh was. It was bright and loud because she never held back when she laughed. I felt myself grinning back at her, feeling truly happy. I silently thanked whatever had allowed this moment to happen.

"You should really stop doing that," she said, still laughing. "It gives you a bad reputation."  
"I'll do whatever I want, thank you very much," I replied.

"Oh, I forgot! You're perfect and you can do anything!"

"Of course."

"You always think things through."  
"Every time."

"Even that time I told you not to eat an entire bowl of sugar cubes?"

"Hey," I said in a mock-serious voice. "Sugar cubes are one of the two weaknesses I have." Annie giggled again. "Really," I insisted. "I cannot be held responsible for anything involving sugar cubes!" Man, I really wanted a sugar cube now.

"What's your other weakness?" Annie asked curiously.

"You, of course. But you already knew that," I said coyly.

"Yup," Annie said happily. Then, the grin on her face faded. I don't know if it was because she realized the more serious meaning of our words under the facade of our playful banter or because she remembered she wasn't supposed to be talking with a figment of her imagination. Either way, I saw the dullness I hated so much creep back into her eyes. My heart squeezed. It was too soon, and I wasn't ready.

"Annie, just talk to me," I said, my voice pleading. "Just for a little longer, please." I looked down, unable to meet her eyes as I thought of how selfish I was being. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I acknowledged the fact that my clothes had reappeared on my body, fully intact.

"I can't forget what's really going on, Finn," she said sadly. "I have to keep waiting for you to come back to me." She must have seen a change in my face because she continued speaking quickly. "I know you will, baby. I'm not worried about that," she said, trying to assure me, or maybe it was herself she was trying to convince. "This is like cheating," she admitted."You can't be here, Finn."

Her eyes filled with tears, and I understood how hard this was for her. Annie was turning her back on what she thought was her escape from reality, and she was doing it for me. If only she knew this was the last memory we'd have together.

"I don't want to see you again until you're _really_ here," she said, her voice stronger now. She gave me a grin then. "As soon as you walk in this room, I'm going to throw my arms around you and kiss you until I'm too dizzy to stand." I couldn't help smiling at that.

"Then we'll just move to the bed so you don't have to worry about that," I laughed. I almost started teasing her some more, but reality hit me. I had to listen to Annie. How could I expect her to take care of herself if I encouraged her to succumb to her hallucinations? I took a deep breath. I needed to tell Annie a few more things. There were a few more tricks, a few more memories, a few more lessons, that she needed to hold on to. I wouldn't be there anymore to help her, to love her.

"The baby is going to be so beautiful," was all I could say. Annie nodded in agreement, and that was the ending of our last moment.

My heart started pounding. What I had come to think of as the glass wall in my mind was cracking. I tried not to yell, afraid of frightening Annie, but a moan slipped out.

"Finn?"

It was then that Julian walked in. The pain in my head was mind numbing and the light in the room seemed to be slowly fading, but I focused as hard as possible to make out what was going on.

"Annie? I think you should come with me," came Julian's voice. "Beetee wants to talk to you." Annie seemed confused, looking in my direction, but she stood up.

"Annie! No!"

She couldn't hear me. I looked down and saw that my body had become transparent.

"No!" I shouted again, as if that could somehow change anything. Because I knew what Beetee would say to her, and I was afraid that when Annie found out she might lose herself forever.

I frantically tried to memorize Annie's face, body, everything. I wanted to remember every movement she made, every blink of her eyes.

"I love you!" I screamed, desperately trying to get through to her.

Then the door to our room closed, and I realized I truly could not exist without Annie. Whatever cord that had held me here and to my girl was snapped at the same time the door shut. Our connection was broken. The pain overwhelmed me, and I was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys think? Does anyone know what is going on with Finn? :))
> 
> More soon!
> 
> ~JustAnOrdinaryGirl:)


	4. Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter in Annie's point of view...enjoy! :) Thoughts especially on this chapter would be greatly appreciated!

**Annie**

I followed Julian down the hallway to meet Beetee. If I hadn't been so distracted by my latest hallucination, I might have noticed that Julian didn't even meet my eyes as he mumbled something about Beetee being in the next room. I was busy replaying what had just happened in my head. Finnick had seemed so real, in a way that was different from my other hallucinations. It was hard to believe that my mind was able to recreate such a perfect likeness of him, but I guess I was just getting better at it. I winced, knowing how upset Finnick would be to hear I'd given in to my other reality. I couldn't help it, really. I also couldn't help wishing Julian hadn't torn me away from whatever had been happening.

In a way, I was thankful. My mind had found a way to cope while I waited in agony for Finnick to come back. I opened the door to the conference room, where Beetee and Coin were talking with their backs to me. As soon as I came in, though, the talking immediately ceased. That should have been another warning sign, but I was too wrapped up in savoring the memory my mind had given me.

I didn't even really hear what Beetee was saying. He repeated it several times before I could even concentrate. I heard the words that came out of his mouth, but I could only make sense of them individually. Stringing them together was like speaking a different language. I didn't understand. I saw Beetee's eyes looking at me with concern - no, more than that. His eyebrows were moving, making wrinkles appear and disappear on his forehead. His lips were moving, but no sound was reaching my ears. A pair of hands reached out to grab me.

I ran away, down the hallway, leaving behind me any hope for happiness or sanity.

"Finnick!" was all I could scream.

I was in my room, leaning on the table for support.

"Finnick!" My legs refused to keep me standing, and my knees dug into the cold, hard floor as I fell.

"Finnick!" Sobs racked my body, which shook violently as I rocked back and forth, unable to breath through my tears.

"Finn! Finn, no, please!" I cried, banging my fists against the floor. The world was twisted through my tear-filled and blurry eyes. Everything was wrong; nothing was okay now.

"Please," I cried, my voice now in a broken whisper. I could hardly speak. "Please, Finn. You promised!" My hands were against my head, trying to keep away the pain. No, I would take the pain. I would take it a thousand times, if Finnick was just next to me. The worst part was I knew this was no delusion. I knew this was reality.

"Finnick!" I threw my hands over my eyes and put my head on my knees, trying to make the world vanish as it had so many times before. "Make it go away!" I screamed, kicking my feet out from under me.

A pair of hands gently lifted mine off my eyes. I looked up, blinking through my tears, and saw the one thing that could make things better.

Finnick was kneeling in front of me. My gorgeous, beautiful Finnick was here. His dazzling green eyes were looking at me. They were full of something that was stronger than pain and deeper than sadness, but they were there.

"How did you get here?" I asked. I could hardly hear my own words, but Finnick understood. He always understood me. He was staring at his hands, as if he was in shock that he could touch me, but he mumbled something about a white room.

His look of amazement confused me. Why should it come as a surprise that he could touch me? He was, after all, a figment of my wonderfully crazy mind. He could do whatever I wanted him to do.

It was then I decided that I didn't care. I wouldn't question my sweet time with this boy any longer. Before I knew it he had helped me to my feet and was trying to speak, but I wouldn't let him.

I wrapped my arms around Finn's neck and kissed him with a passion I had never known before. My hands were tangled and dancing in his perfect bronze hair. I gave myself over to Finnick completely. His body was hard against mine, as unable to resist the attraction between us as I was. Still, I could tell that some part of Finn was trying, unsuccessfully, to pull away. I kissed him harder. His body responded, but I could tell his mind was still trying to fight, so I pulled away. Finnick tried to speak, but I beat him to it.

"Is it really you?" Finnick's eyes changed as I saw him judging the right thing to say, but he gave me the words I both wanted and needed to hear.

"Yes, honey. It's me," he said, sounding a little confused but certain of his answer. That was all I needed. I pulled my lips to his again, but he pulled away.

"No," he said, gasping for breath. "We can't do this. We shouldn't be doing this." I looked up to meet his eyes, begging.

"Finn, I need you," I said, ignoring the tears that hadn't stopped falling. "Please don't make me wait any more."

I saw any of Finn's remaining resistance crumble. He kissed each of my fallen tears tenderly before meeting my lips, engulfing the both of us in a fiery and passionate embrace. I became too dizzy to stand, and so he eased me onto the bed, never breaking our kiss. A small smile came to my lips as I remembered the conversation we had had not too long ago.

Our kisses were bittersweet, tasting of passion and the tears that now silently streaked down both our faces. Finnick gave me all his love, our bodies becoming one with each other. I fell asleep on Finnick's smooth chest, his arm cradling me as I cried. I was content here, in the deep recesses of my mind, but of course the world was too cruel to allow that. I woke up to the sound of Finnick crying out in pain, and then he was gone.

I was alone.

 


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy:)
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!

**Finnick**

 

I woke up in the white room that never seemed to end. My head pounded, and every blink of an eye took effort, but I slowly got up. I was becoming used to this by now. I took deep breaths for a minute, waiting for the sharp pains to push themselves to the back of my mind, where they would stay until my trip ended.

_Annie._

The thought of her always hit me like that. Out of nowhere, I could only focus on her. The feeling of emptiness in my chest vanished instantly, and then I was being pulled forward to where I knew I would find her.

I didn't want to question what had been happening to me, so I tried to push away my questions and doubts. If this was heaven, I would accept it graciously, but deep down, I knew there were too many kinks in the system for this to be heaven. For one thing, Annie was definitely still alive. For another, this was too good to be true.

I wasn't naive, no matter how much I wished I could ignore whatever my gut was trying to tell me. The pain was worse each time I woke up, and each time I was with Annie I was violently thrusted away from her. Each time, I couldn't remember anything between leaving Annie and waking up in the infinite white room. I hated to be that guy who questions the good things given to him, but all I could think of was that, even in death, my actions could somehow still hurt her.

I was suddenly in District Thirteen. I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to adjust to my new surroundings. I was in the room Coin would always call Katniss and me to when we needed to talk about war strategies. Chairs filled one large, long table. Sitting in the last chair on the left was Annie, spinning herself back and forth on the its wheels. She was absolutely beautiful, and only looked more perfect when her eyes lit up at the sight of me. Just seeing Annie was like medicine. The pain in my head was easy to ignore when I had her with me.

"Finn!" Her arms were around me, our lips meeting in a soft but earnest kiss. Our lips parted, but she didn't let go of me, and I didn't want her to. I scooped Annie up in my arms easily and sat down on the table, letting her lie in my arms. I saw her breath easier at my simple touch.

I couldn't believe I could even touch Annie. When I had touched her hands the last time we were with each other, I was in complete shock. I'd figured I was a ghost and that I couldn't actually touch anything. My hand should have passed right through Annie's body. Instead, I could caress her face, as I was doing now. I could comfort her and hold her. I could even love her. The beauty of touch was something I would never take for granted again.

My fingers trailed lightly over Annie's delicate lips, which were slightly parted as her breath tickled the tips of my fingers. I moved gently down her face until I let my fingers just barely caress her neck. Annie smiled, her chest moving up and down as she breathed with ease. My throat constricted at the thought of all the times I would not be there to help her relax, and that I was the reason Annie had trouble thinking through our messed up lives.

"Shh," Annie sighed, cupping her hand to hold my face. She sat up slowly, and I gave her another kiss, slow and gentle. Neither of us wanted to rush anything. Annie sat in my lap with her head on my shoulders. We stayed that way, without talking, for a long time, content to simply be with each other.

"Annie," I spoke into the peaceful silence of our isolated world, "Don't you think someone might find it strange if they walk in and see you and I sprawled out on the table?"

"They can't see you, silly," she laughed, continuing our idle chatter.

"Well then, I'll change my question," I countered. "Don't you think someone might find it strange if they walk in and see only you sprawled out on the table?"

"Maybe they will think it's sexy."

"As gorgeously tempting as you are, I'm sure they would," I said, smiling.

"It's not their fault I'm cursed with beauty!"

"I would have to beat them if they even thought about trying anything."

"With what? Your invisible ghost hands?" Annie laughed.

I grabbed Annie and pinned her down to the table. My hands held her arms down while my legs were pressed on either side of her body to keep her still. I brought my face right up to Annie's so that our noses were almost touching.

"I stand corrected," Annie said with a smirk. I just waggled my eyebrows at her. "What?" she asked.

"I like this position much better," I told her.

Annie playfully pushed me away and I let her sit up. She laughed loudly and put her hand on my shoulder.

"You're funny, Finn. I guess being crazy does have its perks!" Annie's eyes were sparkling and bright from laughing, but I suddenly felt cold.

"What did you say?" I asked. Annie looked at me quizzically.

"I said, being crazy has its perks," she repeated. When I didn't say anything, she kept talking. "I mean, I can at least pretend I'm spending time with the real you."

I looked at Annie sadly, not sure what to say. She still didn't think I was real. Honestly, that should have been a good thing. Annie believing I was a hallucination was much more logical than her believing I was my own dead ghost.

"Annie, you don't think I'm real?" were still the words that came out of my mouth, and I was unable to keep the sadness out of my voice. Annie looked at me sympathetically, as if she understood what she had said wrong.

"Of course I think you're real, Finn," she said, but I knew she wasn't telling the truth because her sad eyes didn't match up with the words coming out of her mouth.

"Honey, you need to be honest with me to make this work."

"Okay," Annie said. "I know you're not real, but it's easy to forget that part," she said, trying to make me feel better. "I was already pretty confused last night," she said, blushing. The last time we were with each other was only last night, but it felt like a week ago to me. I didn't have any concept of how long I had been in the white room.

"If I tell myself that you're real, than that's what you will become. Once we spend enough time together, I'll forget that you were ever fake." Annie finished.

Annie thought that she was letting herself go crazy for me. Really, what did I know? Maybe, somehow, she was getting worse by talking to me. My head started to hurt as I confused myself. I took a few breaths, realizing Annie had been watching me without saying a word.

"Annie, I know how I can prove to you that it's really me," I said, realizing the truth in my words as I spoke.

"How, Finn?" she asked. I took a deep breath before answering her.

"I’ll tell you how I died," I said, but before I could continue, Annie had put her hands to her ears. She was shaking her head back and forth. I put my hands on Annie's shoulders and waited until she would look me in the eye. I had to get through to her.

"Honey, listen to me. I did die, but somehow I am still here with you. If I tell you what happened to me, you can ask Beetee if what I am telling you is the truth. If it is, then you know that I have to be real," I spoke quickly, so that she couldn't interrupt me. Annie looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"You can't tell me, please," Annie whispered.

"Why not?" I asked. "I know it will be hard, but we need to figure out what's going on and we can't do that if-"

"Damn it, Finnick!" Annie yelled. She had started crying. "I knew this would happen," she murmured, more to herself than to me. "I knew this was too good to be true, and now already my mind wants to take you away from me!" I winced as I heard my thoughts echoed in her words.

"I know what will happen if I ask Beetee," Annie said somberly. "You'll disappear," she said. "What you say will be wrong, and then I won't be able to believe that you're here anymore."

I wrapped my arms around Annie tightly, trying to soothe her.

"You can't leave me again, Finn!" she cried.

"I'm not going anywhere," I said, trying to keep my voice as strong as I could.

"You can't know that!" Annie sobbed. I wanted to tell her something different, but she was right.

"You said I am different from the other things you see," I said softly, changing the subject. "What do you mean?" Annie sniffled and didn't let go of me, but I wasn't letting go either.

"I-I'm not sure," she stammered. "Sometimes I get stuck in a memory, but you and I always have new conversations. Other times, everything is extremely confusing and I can't focus, but that hasn't happened with you yet." Annie stopped, thinking of something else to say. "You look more solid, if that even makes sense." she added. I tried to think of what she was saying might mean, but I just didn't know.

"Well, it has to count for something that I'm different," I said.

"I've never slept with any of my hallucinations before," Annie blushed. I knew she was trying to lighten the mood by teasing me the way I tease her, but I also knew it was important that Annie fully understood what was going on. I didn't know when I would be taken away from her for good.

"Annie, I need you to please do this for me," I said. "I need you to trust me, just like you always have," I looked at her seriously, something I didn't do very often. Annie's expression changed and she rolled her eyes, sighing.

"Fine," she grumbled. I readjusted Annie on my lap, putting a hand on the back of her neck and giving her a reassuring kiss, which she returned. I looked into her eyes, seeing past her stubborn facade. I realized just how afraid Annie was to hear what I had to say. What would I do if Annie described the way she died to me? Suddenly, I was afraid to say it out loud myself.

"We were in the sewers when it happened," was all I could say. Annie nodded slowly, seeming to understand my change in attitude.

"I can ask Beetee about that," she said. Somehow, that made me smile. Maybe it was because of Annie's complete faith in me, even when I wasn't even sure what I was anymore.

I held Annie for a while after that. We talked idly, just happy to hear the other's voice. It became harder for me, though, because the pains in my head had increased sharply and weren't going away. I didn't say anything to Annie though, afraid of somehow jinxing everything.

It didn't matter. Without warning, the pain suddenly escalated and I cried out.

"Finnick?" Annie called worriedly, but her voice sounded so far away. Another wave of pain hit, and I involuntarily let go of her.

"Finnick!"

That was the last thing I heard before I was pulled away and under.

 


	6. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Annie**

 

"Finnick!" I cried, but it was too late. He had literally disappeared in front of me. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply until my heart rate fell back to a normal pace.

 _He isn't real_ , I told myself, but I could still feel the warmth from the palm of his hand in mine. I loved him so much, and I knew it would be so easy just to simply give in to my delusions. Life would be so much easier to bear with memories of Finnick swirling freely in my head.

Restlessly, I sighed. I knew I would talk to Beetee, if only to reassure myself. Truthfully, I felt excited to help Finnick again. My heart beat with anticipation as I wandered around to find Beetee, for the moment pushing away the fact that Finn wasn't real.

I needed something to hold on to in my life, and Finnick had always been my anchor. Was it so terrible to pretend he was still there? Murky memories of my life in District Four came back to me, but for once it was not so pleasant. I thought of the many times where inexperienced sailors didn't anchor their boats properly. The ships would simply float away, taunting their sailor with their slow but steady journey to sea. Without my anchor, would I float away from reality completely?

Beetee was in the machinery room, which I found out from Julian, who spent a lot of time helping Beetee with defensive strategies. I ignored his concerned looks and went into the room, leaving Julian outside. He knew better than to follow me.

Inside, I saw Beetee working on some sharp object with little wings. As soon as he saw me, Beetee quickly fumbled around, pressed a few buttons, and set the flying thing down on the table. The little whirring noise it was making stopped as the wings quieted. We looked at each other in silence. Beetee's eyes were full of sympathy and maybe even a little pain, and I wondered in the back of my mind what he saw reflected back in my own eyes.

"How did he die?" I just wanted a straight answer. I couldn't take any more tricks or games, and I realized quickly I just wanted to get out of here. The room itself reminded me of the capitol, and of the tricks it had up its sleeve. One of them had killed Finnick.

Beetee looked at me with his sad eyes, struggling for the words to say.

"We do not yet know all of the details-" he started. That's when I lost it. I grabbed him by the collar of his stupid uniform and yelled in his face.

"How did he die?" I screamed, my voice becoming a shriek. "Tell me!" Beetee's eyes widened at my sudden outburst. I forced my hand to unclench itself and I stood straight.

"Please," I added as politely as I could manage, my jaw clenched with the effort it took not to scream again.

"All we know right now is what we have from the televised broadcast President Snow made last night," Beetee started, eyes me carefully in case I decided to flip out again.

"Did he die in the sewers?" I asked, speaking the words quickly so that I couldn't focus too much on their horrible meaning. Beetee's mouth opened in shock, and I knew what was coming before he spoke.

"How did you know that? All Snow said was that Finnick had died in the Capitol. We only just got word back from one of our special teams that the capitol's men were searching the sewers for his body." I didn't reply, numbed into silence.

"Annie?" he called. I mumbled something about overhearing one of his conversations, causing Beetee's face to return to its normal but still-pale color. I think he was trying to get me to say something else, but his voice just faded into the background. I heard the door close as he left to get me something for some strange way I was acting.

Really, I was okay. At least, that's what I told myself. I wasn't rocking back and forth on the floor. I was standing straight, my hands shaking only slightly. I was still breathing. These were all good signs. Deep down, I must have known something was different when I saw Finnick compared to my other hallucinations, but I still wasn't sure whether to feel happy or sad at my new discovery. The struggle kept me rooted to my spot. The only thing I could be sure of, as usual, was that I wanted to be with Finnick.

So, I called him.

"Finn?" I called. "If you're there, could you please come down here?" I felt a faint tugging sensation in my gut I would not have noticed if I wasn't completely still. It was almost instantaneous, and I felt Finnick's presence before I really saw him.

I can't even explain how he appeared. I simply felt like an empty piece inside of me was filling up until it materialized into my Finnick, perfectly handsome and gorgeous as ever. As much as Finn always looked perfect in my eyes, I could see something was wrong. Finnick lost his light footing on the ground and I reached up and grabbed his shoulders to steady him. There was a light sheen of sweat on his face, which I wiped away.

"Finnick?" I said worriedly, hoping I hadn't done anything to hurt him. Finnick blinked his eyes several times, seeming unsure of where he was, until he focused on me. His lips turned up in the gentle smile I loved so much.

"Hey, Annie," he responded, seeming more alert. I wanted to ask him a thousand questions, yell at him, cry, and kiss him al lat the same time, but I held everything back. I pushed the strands of Finnick's bronze hair out of his face and looked at him carefully, like any overprotective girl would do to the boy she loved.

"You okay?" I asked softly. Finn had bags under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping, although I had no idea if he even needed sleep. Though I hadn't been looking for anything wrong with Finnick when I thought he was one of my delusions, I knew he couldn't have looked this bad when I saw him before.

"Mhm," Finnick answered me, trying to cover up his wince when I touched what must have been a tender spot on his head. I rested my hand on his chest instead, as if it could slow down his racing heart. Slowly, but surely, Finnick relaxed.

"Sorry," he told me. "Just a bad headache," he said, as if he could just take some medicine and be good as new. I put my arms around his neck and hugged Finnick tightly.

"I'm so sorry I ever doubted you," I said, still holding on.

"You're not allowed to be sorry," Finn said to me. "I would have been really worried if you believed me."

"We are going to figure this out," I took a deep breath before I spoke again. "Then, you can see if you want to stay here or move...on," I said, trying to keep the sadness out of my voice. "You'll probably be much happier wherever you are supposed to go next."

Finnick pulled away enough to look directly into my eyes, still holding me.

"Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be, honey," he said, wiping the lone tear that had escaped my eyes.

Of course, fate had to choose that moment to tear us apart.

The doorknob was being rattled open, with Beetee sure to step inside at any moment. I didn't think he could see Finnick, but that wasn't what mattered to me. I didn't want Beetee to see me with Finnick. It ruined our moments, meant only for us.

As soon as I had turned my head away from Finnick, I realized my mistake. I felt our internal hold on each other break, even if I didn't feel the pain I knew Finnick did. A yell escaped his throat and Finnick collapsed, but before I could even move to try to catch him, he was gone. Too soon, too quickly.

Knowing I could not count on controlling myself now, I threw myself under Beetee's desk just before the door opened. It definitely wasn't the most mature of all the choices I've made, but I was instantly glad I was under the desk when I heard a high-pitched female voice speak instead of the deep, masculine one I was expecting.

"...A full report on Odair, now," President Coin was saying. I didn't know why, but something about that girl freaked me out.

"I guess Annie left," Beetee said, looking around for me with a tall glass in his hand. I ducked down further, as if that would stop me from being seen if Boggs or Coin decided to sit down in the chair next to me.

"The poor, crazy thing?" Coin said. "It's a shame," she continued, not waiting for an answer. "She's a pretty girl. We could have used her for the cause if it wasn't for her...condition." She paused for a moment, taking time to walk across the room before turning back to Beetee, who remained politely silent.

"You are sure she isn't faking, Beetee?" Coin asked.

"From what I can tell, Annie has just had too much pressure. Everyone has their limit," he responded. I was glad he called me by name, treating me as a real person. I dismissed him telling Coin I was crazy, even if he wasn't saying it directly. I really did like Beetee.

Apparently, Coin was bored with talking about me.

"So, how did Odair die?" Coin said, without any inflection in her words. I'm going to be honest; I covered my ears so I couldn't hear what Beetee was saying. Yes, I was hiding under a desk with my hands over my ears. I'm very mature.

I started listening again intently when I realized what Coin was saying.

"It would have happened at some point. It is for the best," she said coldly. Beetee cleared his throat.

"What is for the best, President Coin?" Beetee asked, echoing my thoughts, although I would have called her something other than President.

"Don't make me repeat myself," Coin said sharply. "I'm not making any trouble. It is simply a fact that Odair's death will be for the better."

I had to cover my mouth to keep strangled sounds from escaping my throat.

"I need a fresh start. _We_ need a fresh start," she corrected herself. "With Odair gone, we have a clean slate. The people of Thirteen need to stay completely loyal to us as we begin to rule all of Panem," she said, sounding like she had practiced these words before. "I will rule Panem as a world without rebellions, because why would anyone want to rebel from the very people who saved them from the clutches of their darling Capitol?" she sneered. "The deaths of the rebellious victors will eliminate the last of the few people who would dare stand against me."

"You believed Finnick would have turned and fought you?" Beetee asked nervously. "After all you had done for him?"

"Maybe he would have, and maybe not," Coin said smoothly. I was ready to rip out the bitch's throat.

"Either way, it doesn't matter." Coin continued her speech. "I did not have the boy killed, and yet he is dead anyway. Maybe the bread boy will finally snap and attack Ms. Everdeen."

I heard Coin step lightly toward the door to exit, having said her piece.

On her way out, she said, "Oh, Beetee. Don't think you can just let our little conversation become common knowledge," she said coldly, "Or I'll add all of your District 3 buddies to the little _experiment_ we planned."

Coin walked out the door, shutting it with a bang. A few seconds later the door shut again, Beetee running in the direction of his room.

I was left under the table, processing what I had just heard.

Finnick. I had to tell Finn. I called his name over and over, praying to feel the tug that meant he was coming. I screamed his name, but nothing happened. I got out from under the table, looking around the room for an explanation, for some reason why he couldn't hear me. There was none, and Finnick never came.

 


	7. Separations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Finnick**

My eyes opened quickly, and I squinted at the bright light I could never seem to get used to. Where was I? I found myself in a white room, unable to see anything around me but an infinite whiteness. Almost like the ocean.

I felt an emptiness in my stomach that was almost as familiar as it was painful. Ah, the pain. _Be a man, Finnick_ , I told myself. _Cut the crap._

The pain in my head suddenly rocked through my body, and I stopped trying to move. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't hear myself or anyone. If I screamed, the sound didn't reach my ears. Dimly, I felt myself being taken somewhere. I would have sighed in relief if I could move. Please, take me anywhere but here. I silently begged the pain to go away, but then didn't have the energy to think through the blazing agony inside me.

I was surprised to hear the soft sounds of crying. The familiar sound and the knowledge of just _hearing_ something calmed me down, pushing the slightest bit of pain down and away. A shock jolted through me as I realized it wasn't my voice crying. My eyes opened, although I had no memory of ever closing them, and a second shock hit me, much more powerful than the first.

_Annie._

The memories flooded back as they always did, and once again I could continue where our story had left off, as if I had never left. As if I never had to leave.

Annie was sitting up in the bed of our room, crying gently. My heart squeezed at the sight of her, realizing that the time where Annie could move on from her past might never come. Annie's hand moved to her stomach, and her breaths came faster. Unconsciously, she rubbed and patted her belly, soothing the child inside of her while she herself could not be soothed.

The pain in my head suddenly flared and I couldn't help the gasp that escaped from my lips.

"Finnick?" I heard Annie's gentle voice call. "Finn!"

I couldn't see her anymore. Blinking rapidly, I realized I was kneeling on the ground, my hand gripping the hard metal footboard of our bed to keep from collapsing. Dizzily, I looked up to see Annie's blurred figure, her eyes swimming to find contact with mine. I heard her saying things to me, murmuring nonsensical words of comfort. Moments later, I found myself propped up on the bed, Annie's hands purposefully moving over me as she grabbed the material of my shirt.

I realized she must have somehow carried me to the bed. I hazily caught view of her arms, seemingly light and fragile, covering up her true strength. Through my stupor, I felt the corners of my lips turn up in a proud smile. Annie's continued strength never ceased to amaze me.

The smile quickly left as a new pain racked through me. This time, I heard myself yell, the sound echoing around the room. A soft ripping sound followed and I felt cool air stick to my skin as I realized Annie had ripped my shirt open. My chest rose up and down as my breath came quickly, my body searching for stability.

The white of my shirt flashed across my vision before I felt a cool wetness pressed to my forehead. Annie had wet a piece of my shirt and used it as a compress. I knew in District Thirteen, there wasn't anything as wasteful as a washcloth. My smart girl.

It was then I realized just how hot I felt. Slowly, the pain became bearable and I could look at Annie without seeing double. She gave me a small smile, trying not to look worried for my sake.

"I think this is the last time," I said softly, knowing I was right as a fresh sting of pain followed my words.

Annie caressed my face gently, her eyes wise and sad.

"I know, Finn," she told me. She leaned down slowly and kissed me firmly on the lips, her movements slow but sure. "I love you so much," she told me when she broke the kiss. I realized these would be the last words we would say to each other, the last moments we would have together. I had no idea what would come next.

"I love you, too," I said fervently, wishing there was time to show Annie just how much I needed her, how she was my everything.

Of course, that didn't happen.

In the back of my mind, I heard Annie trying to tell me something, something she forgot to say before, but the pain was worse than ever and it wasn't going away. I saw Annie, her eyes pleading, telling me words I couldn't hear. Something snapped, and in that instant I was ripped away from the only thing I ever needed.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up in the dark, so different from the brightness I was used to. Everything hurt, and I couldn't make one coherent thought.

"Easy, buddy," I heard a voice say, and I was pulled under again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of the chapter:)
> 
> Yes, it's short, but the next one will make up for it!
> 
> Let me know what ya think!


	8. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Annie. That was my last thought before the pain took over." Finnick's "ghost" comes to Annie for a last goodbye, but she believes he is simply another hallucination. How can Finnick give Annie closure when he can't seem to leave her? When Annie's life is threatened, Finnick realizes he has to save himself before he can save the girl he loves... End/Post Mockingjay. Please R & R!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like this chapter! It took a really long time to get all the details together. Let me know what you think:))

  
**Annie**  

I thought I had stayed calm. Finnick was gone, truly gone. I thought I had acted normally, but people didn't understand. Apparently, my mourning period was over. Apparently, I wasn't supposed to be so upset over Finnick's death. Apparently, I had lost Finnick days ago, rather then right here, in this moment.

I remember hearing voices over my own screaming, shouting to each other. My room was suddenly filled with the sharp and beady eyes of the doctors I hated so much. I guess someone had finally realized that sympathy and _I'm so sorry for your loss_ wasn't good enough.

With them was Julian, the only person I had any hopes of calling a friend. It was that traitor who sunk the needle into my arm, dragging me into a deep and drug-induced abyss.

I don't know what they gave me, or how much, but I hated them for it. I hated them because I was out long enough to dream. Except instead of dreaming, I was forced to relive memories. Normally, one would stop before it got too horrible to bear. Normally, I'd wake up screaming in terror before the memory could finish.

What do you think happened this time?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're the only girl left, darling," Calix sneered at me. "You know what all the gentleman say. _Ladies go first._ " Calix took a step closer. The twigs snapping under his boot broke through the tense silence and made me shiver involuntarily. My enemy's mouth twisted up in a sadistic grin. He took another step.

"Why don't you just fling yourself off that cliff about a mile back?" Calix taunted. "Or make me a sandwich? Whatever is easier," he added.

Another step forward.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Calix growled, frustrated that he couldn't bait me. I simply raised my eyebrow at him, and watched him take another step, his spear raised and ready to strike.

"You're a sexist pig?" I offered.

Calix's face turned to shock and even fear as the rope I had so carefully placed caught around his foot and hauled him up into my trap, his spear falling from his outstretched hands. Calix was entangled in a sea of webbed net, struggling to break free.

Breccan stepped out from behind the tree behind me, smiling.

"I'm a little hurt," he said mockingly, "that you didn't need my help at all!" I smiled back at him, then turned my attention to a flailing Calix. I walked up the the net and put my face right in his.

"I'll let another tribute have the pleasure of killing you," I said simply, then turned around and left with feigned disinterest. I looked over my shoulder to find Breccan tailing me, Calix's spear in his hand.

The two of us made camp for the night, nestling into a little hideout we made out of twigs and brambles. From the outside, our temporary home looked like a shrub that had survived the rough storms plaguing the arena. Tonight, however, there were clear skies. I knew better than to the think the Gamemakers were just giving us a break. It was a warning, a sign of things to come. Breccan knew it too.

"Tomorrow is going to be a rough day," he said seriously. His eyes were clouded with the worry he was trying to hide from me, but it's surprising how well you get to know a guy when everyone else around is trying to brutally murder you.

Before the arena, I had only seen Breccan's face a few times at town or by the ocean. He was two years older than me, so we never had any classes together. Now, I was used to seeing Breccan's face every day, every second, and I couldn't help but wonder how much longer that would last. Again, Breccan knew where my thoughts were going even before I did, but he was the only one who had the courage to voice them.

"So," he started, "we know that both tributes are gone from all districts except One, Two, Six, Seven, and, of course, Four," he said, with a small smile at the mention of our survival. "Calix is from One, the pointy-haired guy from two, Roth is still hiding out somewhere, and I'm not really sure about the kid from Seven." Breccan put up a finger for each tribute he rattled off his list.

"That makes five, maybe six, tributes left." I calculated.

"Glad to know you're brain functions enough for some addition," Breccan joked, his eyes lighting around the edges before they weighed down in seriousness. "I think we need to have _the talk_ ," he said, but we burst into giggles once more, avoiding the conversation we dreaded.

"I'm not leaving you," he said solemnly, surprising me. I mean, Breccan and I had had each other's backs throughout the Games, but I didn't expect him to stick around when it got closer to the end. He didn't owe me anything. In fact, he'd saved my life much more than I had ever helped his. Later, I would wonder if Breccan had ever felt something for me, because I wasn't able to explain his choice in any other way.

"I'm not going to turn on you, either," he teased lightly when I hadn't said anything.

"Same goes for me," I said. And that was it. There was no drama, no confession of mad love for each other. We simply took each other's word and put our lives in one another's hands.

That would always be Breccan's biggest mistake.

Finnick rewarded us with an entire loaf of District 4 bread, tinted its familiar green and salted to perfection. It was a feast, and I knew how much it must have cost Finnick to give it to us. I tried my best not to dwell on the ways he got me and Breccan sponsors, because I knew and I understood why he had to do it. I just really, really didn't like it.

I reached up into the sharp branches and leaves, revealing our secret spot where we hid the few things we had to hold on to. I grabbed the tattered piece of white cloth, my token in this hell. I held on to it tightly, pressing it to my face and inhaling deeply, ignoring the look of sympathy Breccan gave me every time I did this.

The cloth was a piece of Finnick's shirt, dipped in sea water and dried in the warm sun. It smelled of my ocean, my home, and my one true love. Yes, I might be corny, but I'm allowed to be a little sentimental after three weeks in this death trap. I refused to cry, afraid my salty tears would replace the salt of the ocean. I took a deep breath, calming myself.

When I glanced over, I saw that Breccan had turned away to eat his bread, giving me privacy. I sighed, knowing I would never stop owing this boy, who was too sweet to ever deserve this terrible fate. Although Breccan was older than me, he still had a youthful innocence that the Games were just dying to strip away. I had heard from many people that I, too, had a similar quality, but if I did, I was sure it must have been gone by now.

I looked down at my token, knowing that I would try my hardest to make it back to Finn and my family. I silently prayed that Breccan would become Victor if I didn't make it. I tucked the cloth safely away, allowing myself to picture Finn's perfect face one last time. Just imagining his quirky smile, his bright, sea green eyes, and his tousled bronze hair brought a bittersweet smile to my face. Then, I buried his image and my thoughts of him away with my token, refusing to contaminate my memories of Finnick with the cruelty of the Games.

I volunteered to take first watch, noticing Breccan's struggle to keep himself awake and alert. He smiled at me gratefully and was out like a light.

Usually, Breccan and I rotate keeping watch every few hours, but I wanted to let Breccan get his sleep and be refreshed for tomorrow's events, which were sure to be eventful. We couldn't leave the darling people of the Capitol without their barbaric entertainment, now could we? Also, letting Breccan sleep was my way of thanking him for everything he had done for me. I knew that, if it wasn't for him, I would have been out of the Games a long time ago.

That was my biggest mistake. Actually, no. I was the one who fell asleep on watch. _That_ was my biggest mistake. Being forced to watch the Games my entire life, I knew that falling asleep during watch meant death was on its way. If only I was so lucky.

I woke up to the sounds of twigs snapping. Confusion from still being half asleep immediately turned to alarm. I was awake in the next second, my hands around the knife I kept beside me, but no one was there. I sighed in relief, scanning the perimeter before I let myself relax. _We are still safe. We are okay_ , I told myself. Looking down, I saw the bread Breccan and I had feasted on last night. I broke one of my slices in half, saving the last of it for Breccan in case he had eaten more of his bread than he should have. I silently cursed myself for falling asleep, then cursed out loud when I heard a strangled yell.

I whirled around. Breccan had appeared from the trees behind me, instead of sleeping in our hideaway. The first lights of the new day were just appearing in the sky, but I knew right away who was behind Breccan, holding him in a choke hold so tightly his face was turning purple.

"I'm going to kill you!" I screamed at Calix, my knife gripped tightly in my hand. He just winked at me, laughing off my threat like we were playing a game. Maybe that's really all this was to him, but I couldn't breathe. Breccan couldn't speak anymore. He had used all his energy to warn _me_ about Calix, to give me a chance to run. There was no time to cry or to share last words with Breccan, the boy who had saved me so many times. The world took on a new dizzying light as I watched Breccan die. Everything spun, and I knew there wasn't enough time for me to save him. There was never enough time.

Breccan and I locked eyes. I looked into his deep blue eyes, seeing sadness and something else, but not anger. He wasn't angry with me for making the dumbest mistake in the world, for costing him his life. That just wasn't Breccan. I realized he thought I still had a chance of survival, but I also knew he had put too much faith in me already. I hoped Breccan saw in my eyes everything I wanted to say, but I wasn't even sure what that was.

With a calm and almost peaceful expression, Calix drew a long and pointed sword from behind him, and, in one fluid motion, drew back his arm and sliced the sword roughly across Breccan. I heard the thud of his head hitting the ground, hardly seeing it through my dizziness. My eyes were still locked on his blue ones, staring into nothing.

I forced myself to face Calix, tearing myself away from the head, unable to look at it or the body it was now disconnected from. Those _things_ weren't Breccan, not anymore. I didn't realize I had been screaming, but now I heard the words I must have been repeating over and over.

"The head! The head! You cut off the head!"

Calix hesitated, seeming almost confused, but the expression vanished as a taunting sneer took it's place.

"Hell yeah, I did!" He yelled. That was it.

I ran at Calix, flinging myself at him, trying to hurt him in any way possible. The ground shook, and nothing made sense, but I punched and kicked and flailed everywhere until I felt myself make contact with skin.

Suddenly, Calix was gone. I stood up and tried to run, but couldn't. I finally looked down, surprised to feel a liquid spreading through me. Had Calix stabbed me? I stopped treading water for a moment, not realizing that I had been in the first place, and was swept up in a violent current.

My head submerged below the water, and I opened my eyes beneath the murky sea. I couldn't see much besides my blurry hands in front of me. Why was I swimming in the ocean? I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was back home. Finnick was waiting for me by the shore with a net full of sea bass and a pair of arms to hold me. With difficulty, I managed to break the surface of the water, coughing and gasping for air.

"Finnick?" I called. Where was he? I couldn't see the shore from here. "Finn!" Instead of seeing Finnick, I saw Calix. Actually, I saw several Calix's. They were all swimming around, trying to float. I laughed out loud. Didn't all the Calix's know it was natural to float? It felt so good...

"Finn?" I asked one more time before realizing my mistake. "Shit!" I screamed, tears mixing with the swirling ocean and becoming just another part of the water. I had let Finnick into the Games. I ruined him, the very thing I swore never to do. "I'm sorry, baby," I whispered. It was all too easy to see his face, so angry with me for giving away our secret. It was the only time I could ever think of Finnick mad at me. "I'm sorry!" I yelled to nobody. Well, nobody but the Calix's. I think they were laughing at me.

"Shut up!" I yelled to one, swinging my hand to punch him. Calix disappeared before I ever touched him. I was confused, but my spinning mind didn't want to make sense of things, so I stopped trying.

I took another swing at a Calix, then reached for another. I spun and spun, trying to make Calix pay for what he had done, but I could never quite catch him. "Damn it!" I yelled, but the Calix's didn't hear me. I splashed at the water when it turned evil, trying to suck me to the bottom of the ocean. The Calix's were having a hard time fighting the water too.

"You promised!" they all yelled in unison. I tried to look at all of them at the same time, tried to ask what I dared promise any of the filthy scumbags. The Calix's weren't looking at me, though. They seemed to be looking...up? I looked at the angry sky storm clouds and smiled. I thanked them for making the Calix's angry, I thanked them very much.

All together, the Calix's went down, down, down to sleep in the water. Suddenly, I wanted to be there too. It wasn't fair that they got to go by themselves, while I was stuck in this dizzy, confusing, terrible world.

My arms stopped working. I would have thanked them, too, because I was so tired, but my lips weren't moving either. That was okay. I floated beneath the pretty water, and it was happy. I didn't even have time to whisper to Finnick, sitting on the shore. This way, I wouldn't hurt him any more. My eyes didn't close, but the world turned dark and I felt myself being washed away with it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in a bed, IV's poking in and out of me, doctors pushing and prodding. Sometimes the doctors I saw were the Capitol doctors from my dream. Other times, I was conscious enough to see Thirteen's doctors tending to me, believing they were helping me by giving me more drugs.

"We got her just in time," said the Capitol doctors in my dream.

"I don't think I'd be handling it very well, either!" said Julian from somewhere close to me. He sounded like he was arguing.

"She needs more fluids," a Thirteen doctor said.

"It's such a shame we didn't actually _see_ that Breccan boy die!" said a hairstylist I once knew, buried deep inside my memory. "I can't believe the Gamemakers chose _that_ moment to cut to the footage of the dam breaking!"

"It's alright," said another one of my stylists. "Annie will just have to be a dear and tell us all about it."

"I'm right here, honey. It's going to be okay." Finnick pleaded, but I knew Finnick wasn't here, and I wouldn't answer to a man who broke his promises.

_Help me_ , I tried to say, but the drugs weren't done with me yet. Crying for Breccan became crying for Finnick, and I lost sense of what was a dream, what was reality, and what was something else entirely. Finally, just as it had happened before, I forgot what was up, down left, right, anything.

I gave up, letting the nightmares become reality and take me away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks everyone for reading! I have about the first half of this already written, so chapters will come pretty quickly if you guys like this stuff! By the way, what did everyone think of Catching Fire? Or Sam Claflin? OR BOTH:)
> 
> Please let me know what you think!
> 
> ~JustAnOrdinaryGirl :)


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